The show takes on one interior designer, who is either an overtly gay man with a funny accent or a good looking young woman who wears knee length dresses over slacks, and a mess of a house. Add fifty or sixty competent tradespeople and see what happens in an hour. It’s not pretty. They knock over paint, trip over each other, run with sharp objects, and hey presto, the messy house is transformed. It’s like The Block only faster.
Because I’m such an avid viewer, I think I can pass on a few decorating hints.
First, wallpaper at least one wall in every room. Seriously. Use a different, noisy pattern for each.
Always use a glass-topped table in your dining room because the see-through effect makes the room look bigger. Don’t worry if the sound and feel of china on glass puts your teeth on edge. Your room looks bigger and you can always eat in front of TV if you want to be sensitive.
When you remove your built-in robes, replace them with wardrobes containing less than half the hanging space you had. This also makes the room look bigger.
Make sure each made-over room is a separate entity with no relation to the adjoining rooms.
Ignore carpet underlay, skirting boards in strange colours, and purple painted ceilings. Don’t worry about having red or yellow doors opening into a blue room or vice versa. No one notices.
If you have a room with a beautiful polished wooden floor, cover it with a stone patterned lino. This is because you need a change.
Buy thirty more cushions than you can ever possibly use and then toss them all over the beds and the chairs. This brightens any décor you might be unsure of.
Where you have wall space, hang a picture of anything. Too many anythings are better than one fabulous picture.
Always, always, pattern your curtains in the same colours as the wallpapers. Never use plain fabrics in any room. Ever. Not even for cushions and throws. More is more and less is boring.
Black is back, especially for every room as long as you balance it with a bright colour on a feature wall as well as wallpaper.
Buy lots of things. Things and things and things, like a painted bird-cage with a cactus inside to put in a lost corner, candles, stones, shells, or a beaded curtain in the kitch-in. That’s how you say kitchen in England. This makes sense when you see how to load a kitchen counter top.
Don’t keep your fridge in the kitch-in if you have an adjoining room, and make sure the washing machine is near the kitch-in sink.
Oh, and don’t forget that little girls have pink rooms and little boys have blue and black. Did I mention you can’t have too much black?
We’re so boring in Australia. I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve always had white skirtings, door surrounds, and doors. I have never thought of separating each room by a different coloured carpet. I think fridges are quite useful in kitchens and I like my washing machine in the laundry. I know. I know. I’m a Capricorn and we’re not very imaginative.
I wish we could get this team here to compete on The Block. The English already know about sea-grass wallpaper and things and things and things. They’d beat the East Coast trendies here hollow.